love

I love movies that explore the complexities of human relationships. And more so those on man-woman relationships. ;-) So Before Sunrise and then its sequel Before Sunset made for a perfect weekend.

Eathan Hawk and Julie Delpy were meant to hit it off from the word go. and what chemistry and passion they share in these movies! everytime i see such movies - on romantic love and what it really means - most often than not, i end up on the confused side.

the latest to add to that confusion is this theory a friend has - love is too powerful an emotion and quite selfless by nature that its not true that we are actually in love with who we think we are in love with. hmm. his take is - we as human beings are at best attached - strongly, emotionally, and otherwise, but all the same have huge expectations from partners - this is the one fallacy 'love' does not have - he says 'love' is when one expects nothign and is totally self-sacrificing. when one feels emotions of hurt, ego and pride - that simply aint love. so its at a highly selfless level that love happens.

ok, get the drift?

am not sure i completely agree (i think expectations make love the human emotion that it is supposed to be) - but i do see some point (not much though) in his argument. but this means ive been deceiving myself all this while ...and taht would be too tragic!

now, back to before sunrise/before sunset - the movie has some killer dialogues - one thing i can remember is this - celine (thts julie delpy's character in the movie) is a die-hard romantic - believes in destiny, romance and passion - she says: when u dont believe in magic and mystery, you are as good as dead. simple, but profound eh?

the more you analyse, the stranger it gets. so, its best left unexploreD? not really. the feeling - however one looks at it - is worth the trouble taken. and makes for lively debate, what say?

back!

this post comes - just when i thought i would give up blogging for good...just when everyone else who ever visits this blog gave up on me,....

okay there are reasons why i stayed away - first and foremost being my inability to come up with anything worth the while. i was caught in a fix that arose out of not wanting to use this space as a forum for discussion on worldly affairs. what are rediff fora for anyway?? But that i have been using my blog space for no discussion too signifant was a fact that struck me hard. pray what am i doing here. what are my intentions really --- a) to have the longest discussion/comment thread ever threaded? b) to flaunt my language skills (perhaps!) c) or to merely entertain. i am yet to discover this.... well when i truly discover myself in this world, such issues may seem petty... and unnecessary.

speaking of discovering oneself, my bday just passed by.. yet again reminding me of the things i have failed to accomplish. birthdays somehow begin on a cheery note, but at the end of the day, you are exhausted, full of questions, doubts and fears. well let me draw up my 'things to achieve by the time i am 25' list. life aint bad, but one always wishes it were better. am no exception to this rule.

now, there is going to a complete digression here - cant think of a proper connector. just like my semi-lucid thoughts in most of my entries on this blog. flitting from one idea to another ...

so, the brahmin congregation is in full swing in chennai what with sabhas brimming with those from this ilk. well well well.. no point arguing the reverse. but, setting aside such debate, its time to welcome the kutcheri season. like it or hate it - but u cant ignore it.

havent been able to go to too many concerts, but TMK impressed me the most. Krishna abounds with talent... very interesting selection of ragas. neat presentation. but he does get a bit irritated with indisciplined crowd. ha..when will we ever learn audience discipline? dont we expect artists to mature with time, but will we ever, i wonder! till such time, we may have to be reminded of etiquette i suppose ... like TMK has been doing at his concerts. his thumb rule for good concert pleasure(!!!) - do not leave auditorium during any song, do not leave during the tani and do not leave till i finish the mangalam!!!!

just a few points to ponder though there are many many more...

- will someone take greater care in stage decor please. can gaudy colours and old discoloured photos of thyagaraja be replaced with more soothing colours and interesting snapshots. thotta tharani are you listening.. hee hee..i know am getting carried away here!
- more youngsters in the audience pls. wont say more.
- a more carnival atmosphere pls minus the snobbery of course!

folks pls add to the list of suggestions!

new home for the ashes

how can i not talk about cricket on my blog. that i have kept away from it was because nothing short of history shall find a place in my space. ha ha how vain this sounds.

and it feels weird to be talking about england, not india. well india will have to do something spectacular to find a mention in here. and it doesnt seem to be anywhere close to doing that in the near future. anyway... this blog entry is not about depressing events but about a truly long-awaited happy one.

am sure most of you would have loved england beat the till-not-so-long-ago mighty aussies. guardian and and london times have lovely reviews. be sure to read them. while the aussie papers grudgingly write "its good for the game" reports. ha how they hate to lose! but i must say warne and co have been sporting losers. of course i hate to call them 'losers' coz they arent. but this was one series which emotionally and rightfully so belonged to england right from the start. if this team with its peitersons and freddies hadnt done it, they could have never hoped to ever achieve it.

yes its good for the game all right. and am not even suggesting that its good the cocky aussies were put in place for the first time (although i remember mcgrath's almost taken for granted reminder of a 5-nil result!). its good coz complete domination in any sport proves to be a killjoy...
and the prudish english do laugh and celebrate. this is one such rare moment...worth the wait. for us too its been worth the wait.

and there have been quite a few faithful followers at my office praying for an england win. i cant decide if they love england that much or simply hate the aussies. either way.... doesnt really matter. its a fine dividing line i think.

the weird lift man

the building was run-down and pretty much shady looking ... and here i was expecting to meet a marketing guy of a firm. not someone from the glitzy corporate world..but nevertheless a marketing person from a company that seems to have etched its presence across the city.

thank god i am not alone i told my colleague anju, as scary images and thoughts came teeming into my head. i even looked around to see if ther was any escape route..just in case you see. and darn the heat wasnt helping.

to top it all, like it happens in our films, the lift operator was weird. either he was deaf or insane or just out to kill boredom i do not know. but it was sure scary to be caught in the lift with a nutty character. he was an old man, not too old but he had grey hair all over his head, so i assume he wasnt in his prime.

when he asked 'enga ponum?' i quickly replied - second floor. he again asked me the same question. i cooly said - second floor. but when he asked the same thing again, i was not amused. i said -- rendaavadhu floor - thinking probably he didnt get english. the fourth time he asked me 'enga ponum,' i lost my cool..my colleague didnt do much to clear the 'situation.' but she too kept saying second floor quite a few times. then he asked 'endha company'..

ok..my patience was running out. how does it matter which company..as long as he knows which floor to get us out. but i patiently said XYZ....' didnt know the full name. (okay... i am not revealing the actual name. doesnt seem correct.)

a smart lift operator would have got it. but he just pretended to be dumb. 'XYZ....adhu enna?' he asked. then i fumbled around with my notes and looked for the right name before i said, "XYZ publicities.'

the operator probably thought he couldnt prolong this silly game further. so he accused us for not knowing the right name. i kept thinking..'but how does it matter, we want to get to floor 2." obviously this wasnt enough for our lift operator.

the worst was saved for the last. he wouldnt let us punch the numbers. he would do it himself. so instead of punching 2 (xyz publicities is on floor 2, we checked that outside!), he pressed four. i said 'two' curtly. he pressed '3' this time. hello.. hold on ..what was he doing wasting our time. playing jaltarang on the lift board or what? when he was about to press '5', i cut in and pressed '2' myself ,much to his annoyance.

one.. two..there came our floor. and we were about to get out, when he started instructing us on how to get to the office. i thought - 'dear lord.. here he goes again.' i had a good mind to tell him, 'back off. this aint a maze and we wont get lost,. considering that it was the only office on that floor. the other door pointed to a vacant office.'

having finally gotten rid of the lift guy, we sighed. i told anju 'we are walking down. no way am i taking that lift again.'

praying there wouldnt be any more such strange events, we went in. the office was desolate apart from two guys who thought it was cool to talk to us even as they were busy over the phone. they asked us to sit. and we turned around. pray where i asked?

the office you wont believe was in such a bad shape. the sofas - they were in terrible condition -- with such long cuts -- as though someone had ruptured it with a blade or knife. add to this the fact that the sponge was struggling to break free.

to cut an already long story short.. the interview was wrapped up quicker than we had planned to. we were so desperate to get out. and when the guy asked if we would have somehting to drink..we chorused 'no.' not another adventure please.

to the architect of the future

To the sister of my heart...,

I will miss you terribly aarthi. As you embark upon an important journey in your life, I know for sure LIFE wont be the same again, with you miles away from us all.

I've known you for eight years now, and i cant tell you how much I cherish your friendship and how much u mean to me. I dont think ive ever told you this. maybe i should have. people gotta tell they like/love each other more often than they do.

the times we three (divya being the other one) spent shopping, chit-chatting, watching crappy movies, the sleepovers... the saree-sessions (esp hilarious was the time when i tried teaching you how to drape a saree. and pity u still havent learnt it, leave alone master the art!)..sigh! sigh!sigh!

anytime i ran into trouble or met with a block in life, ive consulted you girls. trouble with X? call up aarthi and divya and pour the heart out. not pleased with Y, get their opinion on it. my my...am going to miss all this! what with divs goin away too.

thing is... those were fun times. may never get them back again, although i fervently hope we remain just as immature, silly and fun-loving as we are now, even three years later.

I have learnt a lot from you -- a bit of patience, a thing or two about meticulous planning, and how not to argue unecessarily and still get things done. am working on these aspects, aarthi, thanks to you.

before i get too sentimental and all soppy soppy, let me wish you all the best in everything you do. dream big and build big!

Love,
Sweth

School

The last few days have raked memories like never before. I have this tendency to think back a lot and ponder over several bygones, especially the ones that arent so pleasant. Tend to think 'what if this hadnt happened' or 'what if that had indeed happened'. Pointless exercise i do agree. But think i cannot stop.

However, today and last thursday, i didnt have to think so hard. Nevertheless memories poured in thick and fast.

I think i went to school for the first time in six years, after i passed out. It was our dear Rani Chandran ma'am condolence meet. To think that lovely radiant face is no more around is shocking to say the least. And it wasnt exactly a welcome reunion with teachers, who were too overcome with emotion -- a real solemn occasion.
What a truly remarkable teacher Rani ma'am was!

Today, i was in a better frame of mind as i stepped into school again. to judge an extempore competition. this sounds as hilarious to me as it may to you all. But yeah i wasnt such a bad speaker (i certainly wasnt the best), so i guess i could be allowed to judge! being on the other side of the fence was great fun. took me back to the days when i used to feel so shy to get on stage and had to be goaded by teachers. i have spent sleepless nights, crying (my mom knows best) just cause i had to give some silly speech the next day. But i loved my voice and loved hearing it (how very modest of me!) so somehow i would bolster courage.
Once the first line came out of my mouth, other lines would flow freely thereafter. Even today, i wouldnt say i am a confident speaker, but have learnt to camouflage fear.

But forget the competition, i was too immersed in the atmosphere around-- the prayer assembly, the trees behind, the chit-chat of kids (yup..i am old enough to call them kids!), the hustle bustle... really exciting.

Walking along the corridors, visiting the library, roaming around the playground, greeting teachers and having a friendly banter with them (contrary to the half-awe half-fear sensations we used to have before), today morn was quite something.

and everytime a teacher asked me what i was up to and i said 'i am a journalist', i could hint a sense of pride and confidence -- forget all the grumbling i otherwise make about my job. for that one moment, i felt good about myself. (i perhaps was waiting for this day when i could tell my teachers i was a journalist. maybe explains why i hadnt visited school in all these years. perphaps i was waiting to become big enough so that i could flaunt with pride about what i have done with my life. this maybe some sort of a vain attempt at salvaging pride or boosting my ego..and not that the teachers were skeptical about me. they always loved me. but somehow a 'ghost' had entered my brain waiting to be pulled out. the demons are out now. i feel lighter and more confident.)

the highlight of the day was this big hug from behind by chitra devanathan. i jumped with joy as i saw her beaming face. oh how i love the school teachers!

i have had good days and bad ones at school but i wil always love psbb.

thiruvasagam

Raja does it again. Having enthralled us with his fine music, ilaiyaraja has come up with another winner.
Thiruvasagam is indeed a terrific musical experiment...truly reflecting the genius that he is. beyond this i have no knowledge to comment on the intricacies.
its a bit heavy,.,afterall the subject chosen is a literary classic. but it sets you thinking. wondering... makes you feel nostalgic..
the purists may pan it. but even they would have to agree - this is one composition that knows no boundaries.
and i had the fortune of being there at the music academy (with mahesh for company). among a galaxy of stars and an unruly crowd (tamil crowd as someone put it is so unique.. we got to learn a thing or two about public behaviour. anything and everything is not a reason to hoot. jingoism is a unique tamil trait. that it spoils the sanctity of the situation, no one cares!), one got to be a part of history.
Hats off to Raja.